Monday, August 29, 2005

How To: Voodoo Doll

Dear Baconsoup,

Recently my whore of a wife cheated on me. I caught her boning the the pool boy. And you know what sucks. We don't own a pool. I would really like it if you could help me out. I'd love to know how to make a Voodoo doll. Now I'm not wanting it because my wife is a worthless tramp. I want to make one because I like dolls. Yeah that what it is. Any help would be great.

Whoreless and free from Memphis.

Well Whoreless and free, we are sorry about your tramp wife. Really we are. As far as a Voodoo doll goes. I think we can help you out, but we must tell you we do not condone the actions one takes while using a Voodoo doll. With that said we are mailing you out a form that you must sign, stating we are not held accountable for any mishaps that may occur do to your doll making.

Disclaimer: BaconSoup does not condone the usage of voodoo curses or spells, and does not take responsibility for any consequences resulting from such an activity.

1. Form a cross by binding the two sticks with yarn.

2. Wrap cotton around the longer stick and cover the body with a 14'x2½' cloth poncho for revenge, make everything black.

3. Leave a hole in the middle for the head and cinch the ensemble with more yarn.

4. Fashion a head out of a 3½“x2“ piece of cloth, then draw a face or tack on a photo.

5. Stick away.

6. Have Fun.